His Foul Fortune
by Squishie
Summary: Hermes is set to a task he would otherwise adore but impossibly restricted by Hera, he has little choice but ask for help. T for precautions, maybe M later for sexual conduct.
1. Prologue

So, I've been on a kick of writing side stories off the main one and I realized that I had forgotten about my promises to some readers. I said I would write a Hermes side story a long time ago to Menolly, and I never got around to it. I am sooo sorry! But here it is! :) The prologue and chapters to come! Enjoy!

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><p>"<em>Hermes<em>?" Athena asked incredulously as the god in question sauntered in the room, his lips parting into a grin at her chagrin. The goddess turned to Hera whose face had not faltered from its stone cold indifference; Athena sighed, "He has always done his duty, but perhaps not in the correct manner appropriate."

"His manner will be as I dictate," Hera stated plainly as an eyebrow rose on her forehead, her tone warning both Athena to quiet her dissent and Hermes to follow her words precisely. The god then hesitated by this tone, his eyes darting between Athena and the Queen, knowing if the goddess of wisdom doubted his fortitude, she was probably right. The question now was whether or not he could successfully avoid Hera's wrath; all of which he would figure out after he knew what exactly he was going to fail at.

"Should I be worried?" he tried to joke with that small grin that flagged his immaturity. Neither woman smiled.

"Aphrodite has provided a list of her mortal children on Earth. Unfortunately, the number is vast and they are spread throughout the planet. We need them centrally located," Hera began to explain and she paused when Hermes' eyes grew twice their size. The Queen's eyes narrowed immediately, clenching her fist as she resisted the sudden, powerful urge to slap him off Olympus. "This is serious."

"Very," the messenger god grinned helplessly, unable to control the humor he found in his assignment. "May I suggest considering Athena's proposal?"

"Hermes!" Hera shouted as her fist slammed into the arm of the chair and she pushed herself into a standing position. The messenger god bowed his head accordingly, asking for forgiveness while hiding his smirk still. "You **will** carry out this order and you will **not** use this for your own purpose."

As he bowed again to affirm her command, he nearly turned tail to run but she was fast approaching him. His smirk vanished from his face as his eyes moved up to see her enclosing on him and he had just a mere second to non-verbally ask Athena for help but she did not move. Hera reached down, grabbing the god's shirt and pulled him up into attention, glaring at him with only an inch between their noses.

"You will show restraint and not know a single one in bed," she growled quietly. "Or so help me, Atlas will pity you when I'm through."

As she released him she pushed him from her and lifted her chin, glaring and daring him to defy her. Nodding silently, the god knew when best to flee before his mouth was dumb enough to speak. He sprung into the air and took quickly, fleeing from the marble room and down the pristine halls to Aphrodite's room. For although he could out maneuver any god and hide from the sun itself, he knew he would never succeed in this without someone's help.


	2. Chapter One

LOL sorry about that! I totally uploaded the wrong chapter. :) Here is the real one!

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><p>It <em>was<em> funny. Undoubtedly, Hermes could see the spectacular fun Hera and the rest of Olympus would have at his expense. He could imagine Zeus thundering in laughs when news reached him and he could imagine even Hephaestus cracking a grin. Should the tables be turned on anyone else, Hermes would have been the first to cackle and spread the word. Trying his best to ignore his wild imagination, Hermes was running over the past few days, hoping to reconnect what exactly he had done to warrant Hera's specific wrath. As he walked aimlessly down the hallway, he tapped at his forehead, trying to use physical means to awaken a memory or action he had passed off as nothing.

Besides the average wit and charm he embellished in her presence, Hermes had no clue as to what he had done. Sighing as he turned a corner, heading to the root of his problems to see if he could enlist some aid. As he approached the love goddess' door, he heard rounds of giggling that caused him to pause in his step; did she know _already_? He frowned slightly, wondering if this was even worth the bother, but when he heard a male laugh in turn, his curiosity overrode his sense of humiliation. Pushing the slightly closed door open, Aphrodite and Apollo turned to Hermes from her newly created hot tub and both smiled.

"Hermes!" Aphrodite greeted with a wave of her hand, beckoning him to join them; Apollo winked. The foam of the waters clung modestly around their nipples, but it was plainly clear the two were naked. "Come, Hephaestus made this for me. It's _marvelous_."

"Oh yeah?" he replied with a smile, his hand moving up to start undressing as the prospect of a threesome in a hot tub momentarily caused him to forget his woes. It wasn't until he was pants-less and unbuttoning his shirt that he recalled the purpose of being here and silently cursed Hera for ruining yet another perfect opportunity. He paused at the final button, staring down at his fingertips with a shadow of a frown; the hesitation caused the naked pair to glance at each other and Aphrodite then sent a small splash up to the frozen god.

"Hey," she called out, sending a second wave up to him for good measure, "you still with us?"

"Yeah," he mumbled quietly as the shirt tumbled to the ground and stepped into the hot tub. "I actually came to ask for a favor."

"Hermes," Apollo started with a smirk on his face, "asking for help? This I have to hear."

"Not of _you_," Hermes quickly clarified and the sun god merely shrugged, not offended. Aphrodite raised an eyebrow as she readjusted her hair behind her shoulders. "Hera has given me a task, but the stipulations are … cruel."

"Ohhh no," the goddess shook her head, waving a finger in the air. "I won't help you against Hera. I have plenty of my own problems with her."

"It's not that. I need you to help me succeed at it," he countered as a finger idly traced the borders of the hot tub. It was an elaborate set of carvings that told the tale of Desdemona and he was sitting at the scene where Othello is enraged over the deception of the handkerchief. The crafting was splendid with fantastical details in every character and the story itself was narrated in Italian above the characters. Hermes suddenly realized Hephaestus must have painstakingly carved these out by hand, only for his wife to enjoy the bare company of other gods in it. Perhaps the decision of Othello's storyline meant more than he thought, but the idea quickly passed.

"I don't know how much I can help," Aphrodite replied with a hint of skepticism. "But I'm listening."

"I have to round up your mortal children," the messenger sighed, bringing a hand up to his head as he felt the impending headache of the moment. "_Without_ bedding them."

Much to his surprise, it was Apollo that laughed first. There had hardly been time to process the information, leaving Hermes to believe the sun god knew the entire time and chose now to burst out into an annoying round of mockery. Aphrodite lifted a hand to her mouth, as if she were shocked at first but then it became about hiding her smile.

"Just laugh," Hermes mumbled and she took his advice immediately; she cocked her head back and let out a howl of a laugh, closing her eyes and no doubt imagining just which children would give him the hardest time. Hermes rolled his eyes upwards, trying to take it as long as possible – which ended up lasting a whole minute. He slapped his hands on the surface of the water, spraying both of them and while Aphrodite shrieked into submission, Apollo's laughing was only slightly deterred. He rubbed his tearing eyes, shaking his head as he finally was able to form words.

"Oh that's good," he snickered.

"Yeah, except she _means_ it!" Hermes exclaimed as he splashed the sun god again. "You wouldn't think it was funny if you had seen her face!"

"Of course she means it," Apollo retorted as he put his hands up again, blocking the bulk of the splash from his face. "Sounds like she needs someone to punish and set you on something she knows you'll fail."

"Poor Hermes," Aphrodite cooed sarcastically, reaching a hand out to rub his forearm. He pulled his arm from her, half glaring at her for her obvious lacking empathy.

"Hey, this is your fault I'm in this," he moaned defensively and when he noticed Apollo's horrified look, he knew he had let his tongue slip, but it was too late: Aphrodite's face was contorted and angry.

"MY fault?" she yelled out, placing a hand on her upper chest. "You come in here, asking a favor of me because this is MY fault?"

"No, no," Hermes entreated, putting of his hands defensively as he shook his head. "I didn't mean it like that …"

"Why not enjoy her sons? The beauty of men is often overlooked," Apollo interjected suddenly, shrugging off the argument and the smile on his face indicating he was in love with himself for having such an ingenious idea. "Plus: no kids, no evidence."

"It won't work," Hermes admitted, as clearly he had already thought that over. As his eyes darting to the goddess, it appeared the subject change had calmed her down sufficiently. "Once I start, it won't end."

Aphrodite giggled as the tips of her toes traced Hermes' calf and he grinned, scooting towards her as his heart began to race.

"Hermes have self control?" she teased with a wink before turning to Apollo. "_Please_."

"Exactly," the messenger chuckled. Apollo shook his head, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Though Artemis might disagree that he had such self-control, the inability for others to have any was not an admirable quality in the sun god's eyes. He tapped his fingers on the face of a carving of Desdemona, eyeing her happy expression before looking to the others in the water with him.

"Then what do you plan to do?" he inquired curiously for he could think of no other recourse Hermes could take.

"I need you," Hermes started with a faint volume as he leaned into Aphrodite, kissing her shoulder tenderly, "to devoid me of want and desire."

Apollo winced but this time his reaction had not been noticed; instead, Hermes continued kissing up Aphrodite's shoulder as the goddess sat there, becoming increasingly enraged at his proposal. The sun god even managed to slip out of the hot tub before the bulk of it came crashing down, which was Aphrodite pushing Hermes off of her and she stood in the waters. He plunged underneath the hot waters, baffled for a moment until he felt the light kick of Aphrodite's foot. He popped his head up, opening his eyes in time to see her splashing water in his face and he shouted out.

"You want to deny love!" she shrieked, appalled at the notion and went to slap him, but the god was quick. He jumped out of the tub and rolled on the floor away from her. She curled her hands into fists and slammed them onto the surface of the water. "You wish me to take away my gift! To repress everything I stand for! Out! Get **out**!"

"Smooth," Apollo muttered as he reached out, grabbing his clothes with one hand and Hermes' arm with the other. Hermes struggled at first, reaching out for his clothes, but Aphrodite sent a wave of water towards him again as she yelled out in aggravation and began to climb out after them. Apollo tugged at the god and the two sprung to their feet, running out from tub and out of her room as fast as they could.


End file.
